Two Years of Fatherhood
Last year I wrote a post for my daughter’s birthday. She was turning one and it seemed the appropriate time for reflection. Now, a year later, and hopefully wiser, I’ve decided it’s a good time to check back in on the topic of fatherhood. Not just because I have a big two-year-old, but because there’s another player in the picture…an 8-month-old boy. Double the babies means double the material, so naturally a blog post was required to capture it all.
One thing about having two kids under the age of two is not just the fact that there’s a lot going on. Which, there is a lot going on. But that there’s not always a ton of sympathy from the little ones as they go about whatever silliness is on their agenda. It’s tough to communicate to these little people that you’re only trying to help: changing, dressing, bathing, eating, sleeping, teeth brushing—these are good things, are they not? Not always in the mind of a toddler. There are bound to be situations throughout each day where the two-year-old believes to know best, and little brother follows. Leadership, I suppose.
For the most part, however, I can’t complain. More often than not the kids are good changers, bathers, eaters, sleepers, and in general “go getters.” It’s hard to complain. As for the difficult moments, well, I suppose God made squishy babies cute for a reason.
What has amazed me most these past two years has been that from day one babies do have their own personality traits. For me, it’s one of the things I never believed before having kids. Our daughter is playful, caring, loves books, and always has a smile on her face. Our son is more serious and reserved, but shows signs of being very loyal. You can tell by the way he treats his furry brother. I’m sure these traits evolve over time—it’s human nature. But this is my current assessment, and I’m sure many of their early traits will stick for their entire lives.
As for my involvement in the whole ordeal, I’m still learning each day. I gather this phase never ends for parents. Each stage is new when first faced, and even still, is unique with each child depending on their personality. If these stages were easy, they wouldn’t mean as much. No one would be growing. For this reason, I have jotted down a few guideposts I’ve found helpful two years in, and I suppose I’ll share them in case they are of any use to any of you.
1. If you have time to ask the question, you may as well do the task.
Has the baby been changed, fed, washed, or otherwise investigated and cared for?...Just save everyone the time and do the task at hand. I’m not perfect at this, but 99% of the time it’s the right move.
2. Find a good hand sanitizer and hand lotion.
Pretty self-explanatory, but your hands will thank you one day.
3. Parenting isn’t as “active” as you may think.
Let me explain this one a bit, because it’s not as straight forward as keeping your hands clean.
From my experience, which is the only one I can provide insights on, when I was “preparing” to be a dad, I thought a lot about what kind of dad I wanted to be. You think about what you’re going to pass along to your kids and how you’re going to step up in big moments. Basically, you think these positive actions will be conscious and intentional. So far, I’ve been amazed at how far from reality that thought can be. The mindset comes from a good place, but these conscious and intentional actions are few and far between when you’re corralling kiddos. Especially in the early years when verbal communication is difficult. Toddlers seem to respond much more to witnessed behaviors. Kids pick up on your actions quicker than your words. They’re watching you even in the dullest moments. And they’re always emulating you.
Having little kids is an adjustment, I’ve definitely come to grips with that at times in the last 24-months. At times it’s a challenge to be a parent. But the privilege of responsibility, especially for other people that hold you so dear, that’s what makes any difficult moment more than worth it. It’s what makes fatherhood one of God’s great gifts.
